How And Why To Move On After Punishments Without Feeling Guilty

As a submissive, I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to accept that after a punishment or lecture is administered my Dominant has moved on and is no longer upset with me. I am not sure if it is just a personality trait of submissives in general, or if it’s more of a unique trait, however I have found it to be a common issue for submissives. Not only does this issue create unnecessary stress for the submissive, it is often frustrating for the Dominants as well. It leads them to feel they are inadequately comforting or administering after care for their submissive, and makes the submissive feel helpless and often very disconcerted.



I will start with why it is so important to move on after a punishment. A punishment should be a specific concise event designed to correct an unwanted behavior or action. While a punishment may be administered quickly or over the course of a few days to a few months, once it is done with, it is vital to move on and not dwell on the action that warranted the punishment or the punishment itself. As submissives we are giving permission and often asking our Dominant to correct actions and behavior that have been agreed upon as unwanted and distasteful. We ask this, knowing that the correction of these behaviors and actions will benefit us as individuals and submissives. If we continue to dwell and think on these past actions, we are not truly learning from and applying the lessons we learned from the punishment. Anyone can be actively thinking about something they should not be doing, and therefore not present that behavior or action, however it takes a true learning process to successfully acknowledge and apply a change in behavior or actions. Therefore once we show we have moved on from and are applying the lessons learned in our everyday life naturally, we show we have fully learned and accepted the lesson offered.



The real difficulty is HOW do we move on from punishments without continuing to feel guilty after the event. I truly believe it is up to both the submissive and the Dominant, however the responsibility does not lie solely on one alone. While it is the Dominants job to reassure and validate the submissive after a correction or punishment, it is also up to the submissive to forgive themselves. Often times submissives are harder on themselves than their Dominants are, and they also have a more difficult time forgiving themselves. Step one, is to remember we are human, and are allowed mistakes. Mistakes are expected and should be greeted by understanding and a desire to teach. It is our jobs as submissives to always be open to learning and growing. We prohibit ourselves from doing so, when we don’t forgive ourselves. Step 2, is to be open and honest with your Dominant about how you are feeling at all times. If after a punishment you feel discouraged or hurt, you should be open with your Dominant so they can perhaps work on a different way to punish, or continue to reassure and validate you. Punishments are not meant to make a submissive feel discouraged, they are meant to correct and then encourage the submissive to learn and become a stronger better individual and submissive. If you can work through these two steps and remain open with your Dominant you will find a faster rebound after corrections and punishments, and will therefore have more time to enjoy with your Dominant.

- Bug