Nightmares

Thursday, May 14^th... “Why in the world does a sweet girl like you not have a dom?”

That was the first thing he’d ever said to me. I fell head over heels for a man, gave myself to him fully, and made the choice to wear his collar. Everything was perfect, he was the most kind and attentive Dom I could have asked for, always seeking my own pleasure as well as his own…. And then stuff turned wrong, Quickly.

On August 19^th, he collared Kitten, and everything seemed like it was only going to get better. On the 20^th he disappeared without a word. Granted, he’s left before for work reasons, but this time, he didn’t leave any kind of warning where he was going, or when he might be back. Consoled by the wonderful friends I’ve made here, I tried to bear through it the best I could, clinging to some naïve hope that he’d come back. Not too long after he first left, I saw the truth and grew depressed. I started drinking heavily, and the nightmare started. I’ve always been a little bit emotionally sensitive, so this hit me hard. The nightmare was the same every night:

I’d be with him, and we’d be making love, and everything was as perfect as it had always been, and then he would wrap his hands around my throat and start to choke me, and not in the pleasant, turn me on kind of way. He was trying to kill me. Right before it ever got to that point I would wake up screaming and always screaming for him.

I have had so much help with dealing with all of my depression issues, and I don’t know what I would have done without my friends.

- Miko