Contracts

Contract. When that word is mentioned, the first thing I think of is a business transaction, usually between a buyer and seller. A contract is cold, detailed, and most of all, binding. So when contracts are mentioned to me in a BDSM context, I can’t help but picture the dom as the buyer and the sub as the seller engaging in a cold binding agreement as if it were a human purchase. A BDSM relationship is not something that I associate with money. Just by their very nature, contracts restrict the growth and development of both parties. While some BDSM relationships thrive and are very successful when based around a contract, they are not the best idea.

One of the most exciting aspects about entering a new relationship is the idea of a new adventure, a trip into the unknown where you and your partner get to learn and grow with one another. People come from all sorts of different backgrounds, and have all sorts of different levels of experience. With that in mind, it is meaningless to try and define punishments or duties when such things may not be appropriate to explore at the time.

The possibilities to become creative with punishments and duties are endless. One punishment might suit a particular wrongdoing ninety percent of the time, but what if the dom wants to get creative? Say, instead of the regular ten lashes, they want to try a new toy with only five? Or perhaps instead of a physical punishment, they want to try a time out?

Regardless of whether you are a dom, sub, or switch, you are still a human being. And humans cannot always keep every promise they make. No one is perfect. Holding a dom and a sub to a predefined set of rules that must be followed, no matter what, leaves little room for error. Both parties are going to end up messing up at least once, but probably more. Contracts leave no room for discovering that a predefined rule exceeds physical or emotional boundaries. Breaking a promise that you cannot keep in the first place is not a good situation to be in.

Opinions change. For example, I told myself at one point that I would never consider anal sex. Now however I find it to be quite enjoyable. Likes, dislikes, phobias, etc all change as a person grows and ages. The limiting factor of contracts once again leaves little room for change as the opinions on either side transform. I therefore feel that it is unjust to hold someone to an opinion or duty that they wrote in the past when their opinions, their partner’s opinions, and perhaps even the nature of the relationship have changed.

- Kitten